i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
