dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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