Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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