let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
