i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
he thought i was a dude.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
