So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
