I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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