If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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