I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I need to sanitize my soul.
Randomize
