Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
