I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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