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Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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