You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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