So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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