If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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