I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
