Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
