i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
