My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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