im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
