you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
