Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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