sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
