hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
