we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
