I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
