I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
