i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
