I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Randomize
