Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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