11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
what day is it and did you see me today?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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