He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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