i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize
