I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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