we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
