The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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