i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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