i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
