youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
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