I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
