Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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