He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
