So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
barbara walters just said penis...
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
