hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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