I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
