did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
fuck your aforementioned shoe
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
