ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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