He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
