last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
