just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
