you have to choose: penises or morals?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
