Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
bring money and cleavage
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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