If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Randomize
