The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just cropdusted the office
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
