last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
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