My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize