They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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