Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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