If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
