Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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