oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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