Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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