lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
i think i just lost a toe
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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