This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
