dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
