everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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