Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
