I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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