my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm like, not good at living.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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