That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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