We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
