you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
